AD&D Monster Manual as haiku (part 2 - B)

Here's the next part. Ah B, I was looking forward to the beholder, but it was the baluchitherium that surprised me.

Yes, this series is probably mostly useless, but they are fun to write, although this entry took longer than I expected. WAY longer.

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BABOON

one half pacifist
one half indeterminism
red ass waves goodbye


BADGER

you dig like a sow
do you even work out, brock?
your pelt looks like felt


BALUCHITHERIUM

LOOKING FOR: LOST HORN
I WILL TRAMPLE YOU FOR IT
ASK FOR "NOT RHINO"


BARRACUDA

bowman not needed
undersea ferocity
salt water arrow


BASILISK

little dragon king
you shun your own reflection
no glasses for you


BEAR

boring encounter
forests, or a grizzly cave
give papa a hug


BEAVER, Giant

this entry feels like
a predictable scene from
National Lampoon


BEETLE, Giant

hungry moving house
elemental or common
we gather feces


BEHOLDER

polyphemus, lo!
here be your galatea
twelve pupils of death


BLACK PUDDING

foul crevice seeker
no paper could collect you
darkest giant snot


BLINK DOG

daddy the pup's gone!
no wait it came back, hey pup!
no wait! oh fuck this


BOAR

pig of the sounder
juvenile, only older
everyone knows pig


BRAIN MOLE

malignant nevus
of the poor psionics mind
unbiunium


BROWNIE

handy half halfling
how is your very short sword
not just a dagger?


BUFFALO

illustrated cow
body, sepia world map
head, dark thunderstorm


BUGBEAR

just a hairy man
it is, really: goblin men
wrong taxonomy


BULETTE

monster à la carte
worcestershire demon hot sauce
damn you mad wizard


BULL

they squeezed this one in
an entry worthy its name
beware page filler


AD&D Monster Manual as haiku (part 1 - A)

I got this idea after misreading a post of  the most excellent Luka Rejec, where his words describing his drawing almost felt haiku-like.

Alright, before we start, the haiku I'll try to write are going to be bastard versions of a real haiku: that is, I'll only count syllables. Haiku poets around the world be hating.

And I'll use the AD&D 1e monster manual, because that's the only monster manual I got.

Alright, let's start with the first part.

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AERIAL SERVANT

anger management
could save the both of us, dear
mage hand is better


ANHKHEG

dirt shark fights dirty
a secret crush on farmers
acidic love spit


ANT, Giant

off with her head man
why don't you remember my
name - I guess she does


APE, (Gorilla)

swedish pun, begone
silly walk as silly talk
seven sunclad days


APE, Carnivorous

human barbecue
larger stronger better me
sign language for all


AXE BEAK

my clean cuts, sleek kills
dust clouds shadows escape path
need to lay an egg


The Green Wall



"Babs got a new apartment closer to the Green Wall, ain't that something?"

"I heard they painted the wall green to make it more inviting. Like a forest."

"What's a forest?"

"... I can't remember."

"... Good for Babs, though! Maybe she and Walt can sort things out now!"

"Again."

"Babs had no right to bring those documents beyond the Green Wall! Her clearance may be higher than most, but we're supposed to keep secrets - well, secret!"

"... What do you think happened in Citrus 2? I mean, really happened?"

"She got what she deserved, Dave. Non-people have no business there."

"I heard they pushed her off the -"

"Stop hearing things, Dave. I mean it."

"... I love you."

"Of course you do, Dave, it's the law."